Many times I fired up my browser, typed the URL of my blog on the address bar and login, ready to write something but then the urge wears off quickly and then the blog is left not updated. I wonder it is this same thing that happens to every other blog that is more or less dead or updated infrequently. Mine has survived well with occasional torrents of writing followed by periods of tranquility that mirrors the end of the inevitable course life takes.
I decided just to update my latest movements; I’ve become busier in camp thanks to my newfound boundless energy. At times, my life very much mirrors the activity of the blog here, bursting with stuff at times and then with nothing much – I hope it is more filled up with stuff than that. This is a period of time when I feel I need to accomplish things and that’s what I’ve been doing. I finished my Suburban Run of 10km with Yi Da last Sunday with a timing of 55:50.5 and decided that I shall be running 15km for the PAssion Run that’s upcoming in May. In camp I’ve been working harder than ever: I am thinking about improving the way things are done (no matter how screwed up current practices are or will remain to be) and challenging people’s thinking about the world and themselves.
I’ve been learning new stuff too, working on my French at home and in camp, thanks to so many God-fearing people around me, I got to know a lot more about Christianity, the Bible and the relationship between religion and morals which I previously explored but thought little of. I have kept up with my The Economist reading in camp despite all that work I initiated; books wise, things have been a little slower. I still have my Wikinomics and Thousand Splendid Sun in camp relatively untouch; I discovered that I prefer to read the library non-fiction books by John C. Maxwell and Jack Welch or other leadership gurus in camp more. First reason probably relates to the applicability of the things these books taught; I often think about what I learn about leadership in the context of military hierarchy and my organization, realizing why some things fails to work and how fundamental some problems were. Second, doing personal development stuff in camp make camp life more productive for an individual relative to trying to spend camp life slacking, thinking that it’s a time to store energy for the ‘outside world’.
March is ending soon and it has passed rather quickly for me just as February did. It’s amazing how these initiatives to enhance busyness actually makes time pass so quickly for me. I think all NSFs should try this for fun if not to make ORD sooner.
I realised I haven’t blogged in my Birthday month! Argh, I must have been too busy with life to write stuff online. Indeed, I’ve been reading all this while and writing very little stuff. Alright I have got to thank all those who wished me Happy Birthday and also those who gave me gifts (which isn’t a lot because it seems like only Kwang Guan gave me something out of everyone in 6D; yeah, I’m pretty thick-skin when it comes to this because I know I do give gifts to people during their birthdays). I went to Vietnam just the week before my birthday and came back 2 days before my birthday, I’m wondering if I should have an entry on my trip there but then it seems that I’m pretty lazy to write for now.
I’m prompted to pen this entry because I recently encountered many people asking me what to do with their lives. The fact is many people have approached me on these matters for a chat since like 4 years ago. I’ve always been giving advice on making decision, introducing people to new ways of thinking that empowers them, teaching people how to cultivate the right attitudes to help themselves achieve things and all these matter. Lately people in my mum’s auntie circle with children coming out of Junior College started asking me about what their sons/daughters should do. I must say I come from a very unique perspective but I generally prescribe very generic, albeit useful, advice. It is, however, dangerous to take me as a model for anything at all.
Right now I’ve no scholarships, I got rejected by NUS while being accepted to a Business-Accountancy Double Degree in NTU; I applied to UK and US universities but none of the universities I applied to got back to me about the status of my application yet. I’ve misled people in my claims that scholarships are not easy to obtain but I must say that’s a very narrow perspective – I’ve been highly selective of my scholarships, aiming for the especially competitive organizations (usually offering less than 8 scholarships per year) and in case you begin to wonder, I didn’t apply to Public Service Commission, the biggest provider of local and overseas scholarship in Singapore. The reason is that it entails working within the civil service hierarchy, which I’m not exactly interested. Yes I seem to have obtained pretty good results but that doesn’t say anything about my performance at interviews – which may have cost me my scholarships. Moreover, my CCA records cannot be considered ‘impressive’ so to speak.
On the other hand I know what I want to do and I know that it doesn’t entail getting myself into a scholarship contract and then obtain job security through a bond. It doesn’t include job security, it is not a very straightforward and direct path to something big, it’s not repeating a routine for a couple of years then changing routine and so I’ve thought through the different courses I might want to take in the different universities of Singapore and some of the top overseas universities; I have reasons for many choices I make and I suspect that’s a result of having been through many interviews that forces me to justify my choices and think through them carefully. The problem is that sometimes I convince myself so much that I narrow down my options. To some adults that may be a blessing because having children caught in a dilemma of course choices is not something very nice. For me, I’m already rather decided and so I’ve effectively shut myself out of some of the easiest success paths that most people would think I should take.
When I told a paternal side aunt that I am not applying PSC because I don’t want to be in public sector, she exclaimed, “Why make things so difficult for yourself? Your results would allow you to be public sector scholar pretty easily; just get in, stay in a stable job, do the routines necessary, ‘complete’ your career as a permanent secretary and then join politics when the time is up or retire rich.” Perhaps I’m still young and naive, maybe it’s that I don’t believe it when adults say dreams are meant to be dreamt of. For me, dreams are to be pursued and caught hold of, to be fulfilled by none other than yourself.
When this PSC scholar heard what I mentioned about me not wanting to be in government sector, he quickly defended his position, saying being the public sector scholar is not a bad deal and that I can’t measure success in only my own way. Well, I mentioned nothing about success, but this dude sure thinks that public sector offers a good package deal. I guess all I can say that I’m being a little stubborn and inflexible. You can say I ‘following trends’ but given all the subprime crap and my not-rethinking of my goals I know I’m not a fad worshipper. Success, to me is about deciding on your dreams and goals and sticking to it, with your daily actions oriented towards fulfilling this goal of yours. It’s the habit forming, becoming the person you wish to be that is the real success.
John Maxwell quoted from someone (not sure if it’s Benjamin Franklin) about life being difficult and I find it very true. Life is difficult; yet people whine about their daily problems and difficulties they go through as if life is supposed to be easy and smooth and theirs is not so. Yes, if you think about it, it’s the ‘lack of problems’ that is surprising about life and so we should be glad at any moment when we don’t have the chance to complain and spend every ‘complaining moment’ improving our own lives. And as I agree I turn that agreement into actions, I cease complaining and tackle difficulties right at their roots. I rejoice over a day with a difficulty resolved rather than a day without difficulties.
As you can see, I’m not a model of any kind. I’m essentially a concoction of weird thoughts, bizarre preferences, strange goals and eccentric judgement about things but somehow they all fall in nicely together without conflict and form a rather coherent, reasonable being. And my general advice for people making decisions and living life is to manage your life well; do it actively, cultivate awareness of your thoughts, actions, the causes of them and their effects on the world. When we all say ‘listen to your heart’, it’s really about being aware of yourself, your desires and motivations, and then you will know what you really want. Knowing is not exactly enough because you need to use that knowledge to empower yourself to carry out actions to push yourself towards where you want to be. Your self-awareness will point out that you might actually prefer status quo when you try get going, then you’ll have to make a decision to move on or stay put. In any case, the importance of discipline cannot be underestimated. I’ve emphasized discipline in doing almost every single thing.
Benjamin Franklin say that ‘time is the stuff that life is made of’ so it’s foolish to ‘kill time’ or ‘wait for time to pass’. This is especially motivating for people in National Service because we often think of ourselves as plainly waiting for the 2 years to be up but we can do way better than that. I don’t want to kill myself that way so I decided to love what I have to do and do whatever I’d love to – both at the same time. This way I’m doubly happy and doing what I love ALL the time! There were times when people make me question if I’m deceiving myself but who knows better? I’ve been through that and I’m continuing with it.
And how about the parents who wants to talk to me about how their children’s future would be and what they should do about it? Please have faith in your kids, they’ll just do fine because they do have something they want to do, they just have to find it. If you truly want the best for them, leave them to probe themselves and minimize your influences. Of course, a chat with me could always just make you feel better but trust me, eventually it boils down to taking care of themselves.
I have always been interested in thinking about cultures, about the manifestations of behaviour, beliefs, interaction protocols that emerges when a bunch of people come together. They may be formally instituted by some authority of the body of people or they might just appear informally through the experiences of the group and the circumstances they have tided through. This includes thinking about corporate culture, work dynamics and influences of these on churning out an actual product. It’s interesting how subtle, unwritten things can have such a huge effect on tangible stuff.
And it does. Recent literature I have looked into kept on stressing about open-ness, transparency and the need to establish trust. First John C Maxwell, a pastor who lectures and write on leadership emphasized the importance of building trust through honesty and open-ness. In essence, open-ness is not just a characteristic for an individual but also for organizations; in fact it is even more important for an organization – it is such cultures that nurture good characters and great leaders. Similarly, Jack Welch wrote a lot about candor and not hiding things from people within the organization especially when it relates to work matters. The idea is to prevent the establishment of an informal fabric of relationships, information, exchanges and underground conflicts or rivalry that may harm the organization unknowingly. Opening up allows these matters to be revealed and resolved readily, together with the official matters.
Open-ness is supposedly easier to cultivate in a small group because the less people to establish a trusting relationship with, the faster the group will be able to exhibit a strong open culture. Unfortunately a little misunderstanding or defensiveness/closeness on any part of the members can quickly cripple the workings of the entire group. Therefore while the smallest of teams can exploit the advantages of open-ness the quickest, it is the same people/groups who are more vulnerable to the problems of close-ness and thus have little choice but to be open or fail.
Here comes the advice about projects, academic or community: maintain very open cultures and actively ensure everyone speaks their mind fully and totally to everyone else. No ranting about someone to someone else in particular!
