I hate treadmills. I dread trying to run in the gym although I love running. Once I tried to train myself on the treadmill and I thought it’ll be a good tool to help me build my stamina but somehow I never seem to be able to maximize my potential on a treadmill, I didn’t find the things I liked about running when I run on the treadmill. It’s not that I don’t get a decent timing on the treadmill for long distance or matters to do with performance, it was just the experience. I didn’t feel the wind gushing at me on it, nor the weird feeling of my legs being detached from my upper body, the feeling of just being carried around by the power of that 2 limbs. Treading on the belt also sucks, I feel as though I’m propelled by the belt rather than my legs, and the perfect flatness of the belt I tread on made the run dull (not to mention the constant ‘scenery’ around me). It is as though I was driven by fear – I didn’t feel free on the treadmill.
I kept having this feeling that somehow I’ve always been like that; it’s like I’ve hated the treadmill a very long time ago, perhaps even before it existed. There are features of human inventions that I hated and this is one thing where I hated thoroughly. Yet I’ve been trusting, I always thought that though I hate it, hating the feeling of it is different from what it does to me. I believed that it really could help me improve my stamina, that with training on it, I’ll be strong, a better runner. Today, I’m still not sure if that is true.
It is something else that I discovered today. I realised that the treadmill is like a controlled environment, very much like the education system, within some bureaucracy or big firm. It functions, but it spins with consistency, monotony and it trains people to abide by it in a very narrow sense. It’s like taking examinations, where you study hard, learn the topics that are taught, scoring well, getting certificates and finding a good job. Running outside, to me, is the very opposite of that; it’s about controlling the environment rather than allow yourself to be pushed, propelled by a lifeless piece of thing. It allows you to learn how to handle the steep up and down slopes, the sharp turns; it forces you to think about the coordination of your pacing and your breathing, subjected to the terrain and finally, it trains you to feel the perspiration on your skin flowing, the heat of your body radiating outwards without the cool air-conditioning in the gym trying to disturb your body’s homeostasis. All that, is comparable to learning from being in society, to interacting with different sort of people under different circumstances, to pick yourself up from failure by attempting alternatives, to approach the right people to get the appropriate help, to find the best place to enjoy a cup of tea, to do business and build an empire – in essence, to live life.
Perhaps that’s too big a comparison to make, treadmills and running in the open with life in a system and life in society. The treadmill is an extreme case of the lack of freedom while in a system, there’s still more hint of intelligence than plain running non-stop on something that tricks you into attempting to move forward but all the while pushing you back. Or perhaps it’s just the subconscious knowledge that you will never be able to ‘catch up’ with the belt (unless you decide to put some slow speed and try to run ‘across’ the console panel) that is taking the fun out of the run. I’ve no idea. But like the treadmill I’ve always believed in systems being able to prepare me for the real world out there and I really pray that it does because I’ll be out there soon, very soon.
